I'm Just a Person by Tig Notaro

Author:Tig Notaro
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-05-03T16:00:00+00:00

7

Largo

Standing on the side of the stage listening to Ed Helms wrap up his set at Largo was the closest I’d come to having stage fright in a long time. I was pacing back and forth, my heart pounding. I had an opening line that I knew was either going to make or break my performance. Ed Helms finished his set, then announced, “Please welcome Tig Notaro!” I walked out, waving into the darkness.

Nine days earlier, I was meant to be doing this very show, my regular Tig Has Friends at Largo, when I found out I had cancer and was told I had to make another appointment with an oncologist and a surgeon to learn what stage it was and to get more details. I called the owner of Largo, my longtime friend Mark Flanagan, and told him that I had just been diagnosed with cancer and was in quite a bad place. Instead of canceling the show, he suggested that I move it to the following week. I thought either he hadn’t understood what I’d said or he was out of his mind. To humor him, I agreed, with the stipulation that I would be able to cancel the show up until the very last minute if I still wasn’t up to it. Flanagan agreed, and I started writing.

I had nine days and took my laptop everywhere I went, meticulously writing down jokes, concepts, and moments I would share onstage. I was not in the habit of writing down my stand-up material. Normally, I had ideas and those ideas became a few words jotted down on scraps of paper and were mostly worked out over time onstage. But I was working under a pressing deadline and the terrifying thought that I might not have much more time, that this might be my last performance.

My goal had been to write a good half hour of new material for my Largo show, and being at rock bottom was turning out to be oddly fruitful. Even when I wanted to spend quality time with friends and not think about cancer, my brain operated like a busy assistant eager to please—constantly buzzing me with ideas for a new punch line or setup. I was more focused and driven than I’d ever been.

I waited two or three days after getting the generic “hello, you have cancer, good-bye” phone call and then scheduled the next available appointment with my surgeon, which happened to be the day before my Largo show, which meant that I would be performing one day after finding out just how numbered my days might be. I knew I was supposed to be meeting several possible surgeons and oncologists, and researching procedures I might need and even alternatives to Western medicine. I knew I was supposed to be doing something, but I still needed to work out how I felt about the sentence “You have cancer” before I could go and find out what, exactly, it was going to mean for me.

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